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03:23pm 31/05/2016
Sometimes you try all the right things and get rewarded. Other times you do the same and there is no benefit.

Two and as half years ago we moved back to China. There were many reasons. I have a great job doing something I love, we can save more money and the kids get to experience another side of their heritage.

Is it worth admitting at this time my main priority in coming back?

Of course, Tingwen had experienced serious post natal depression after the birth of our first son and looked to be sliding back again after our second. When she suggested it I leapt on the idea, no really because I wanted to come back, but because I thought it would help.

And it did, for a while. She showed more empathy and understanding than at any time in the previous few years and the whole thing went pretty well.

A year ago, it started to slip again. Now we're pretty close to back where we were, plenty of good days but apocalyptic episodes in between.

Two months ago, one outburst prompted a terrifying shift. I pretty much stopped caring. Sure, I still love her and (of course) the kids, but I don't feel close to her any more and each outburst drives that wedge in deeper.

In the midst of this, a local friend has just started to experience what looks like post natal depression from his wife. So here's me trying to help him, whilst worried about being a hypocrite.
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(no subject)
09:26pm 31/05/2016 (UTC)
Your own personal cheeses: pink
Oh Kev. How horrible...
That's not her, that's the sickness. She's under all of it somewhere and it might have taken over that it's hard to for you see and impossible for her to fight.

Once I had to let someone go just so they could get themselves back. Worrying about me being worried about them was causing an impossible spiral of anxiety and depression - cause entirely mythical.
Finding the way won't be easy, but I hope you can find it. x
picword: pink
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(no subject)
04:31pm 02/06/2016 (UTC)
Thank you. They're wise words and solidly appreciated.
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(no subject)
07:23pm 02/06/2016 (UTC)
I don't check LJ very often these days so sorry this comes a few days later. I hope you are ok. Having been to the brink, all I can say is that it is possible to bring a marriage back to its original strength, but it does take determination, and space to deal with whatever issues are causing that wedge. Look after yourself x
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(no subject)
09:52pm 02/06/2016 (UTC)
Thank you. I just feel like nothing I do is enough any more.
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